Written by Fox Cleveland, with foreword from the NFL.

Synopsis: First, refuse to show a meaningful, exciting game such as Indianapolis vs. Tennessee in our market. Next, opt instead to show us Detroit vs. Cincinnati, both having beaten us in prior weeks (with Detroit being one of the worst in the league, no less). Then, once THAT game is over, finally cut to the final minutes of New Orleans and Washington.

And how exciting they were! Washington leads by 7 and New Orleans is in danger of losing their perfect record. Washington misses a field goal and the ball goes back to the Saints with a minute to go. We have a nailbiter here, folks! And then…! Random sportscaster announces that the game is almost over, says Washington will probably win, and we now cut to the scheduled afternoon game.

New Orleans went on to come back and win in overtime. Good thing we didn’t get to actually watch that, or anything.

Screw you, Fox.

Voting! It’s the hot new trend that’s sweeping the nation’s youth, and yesterday’s impromptu declaration of “Election Day” by government officials turned out to be a smash hit. Young and old alike showed up in droves to drop the hammer of democracy in an event that some detractors called “pretentious,” asking “who are we to decide what happens within our government?”

There was all kinds of keen stuff on the “ballots,” a slang term for “multiple-choice test designed to confuse and bewilder but with the ultimate goal of deciding decisions among the masses.” Livestock care reform! Gambling in Ohio! Mayors, councilmen, presidents, astronauts, all up for election! Cuyahoga County government overhaul and restructuring! Issues such as these were taboo as recently as last week, and here we are talking about them — nay, voting for them — in broad daylight!

Yes, as the great biblical prophet Bob Dylan said, the times, they are a’changin’. Society is moving on, people are getting smarter, and man is one step closer to ruling this world as a stumbling, demented child king. So pop a vicodin, have another shot of Jack, and face the facts: voting, ladies and gentlemen, is here to stay.

To be honest, I’m not so hot on the whole gambling thing. It passed yesterday, y’know, bringing casinos to Toledo, Columbus, Cincinnati, and indeed, Cleveland. Yeah, jobs, economy, tourism — it’s supposed to bring a nice sum of money to our little concrete jungle. Actually, it’ll bring a nice sum of money to Dan Gilbert (pictured here), Cavaliers owner and noted fan of cash. Thing is, the money has to come from somewhere, and I don’t exactly trust the residents of this fair city to gamble responsibly. Yeah, casinos are already widely available in neighboring states, and anybody can just hop on over there for a weekend and see their life savings off. That was the big argument for Issue 3: why let people gamble in Pennsylvania and take all their money out of the state? Why not do it here and keep Ohio prosperous?

This is the trouble with that argument. I don’t gamble, and I suspect I never will. And there are others similar to me, folks who just don’t have enough interest in it to go out of town to do it. However, once we get that casino right here in downtown Cleveland, it’s not going to be a weekend trip — it’s going to be here, at home, right within reach of a night on the town. Accessibility breeds addiction, and I fear for the state of people who just don’t know when to call it quits.

I know, it’s not like we’re the first city to ever get a casino, but we are one of the poorest, and so the prospect is frightening. And in downtown Cleveland — really? Downtown Cleveland, where we draw crowds to arenas for all three of the major sports? Where political stuff happens and demons are summoned and traffic is the worst? Man, I already hate driving there, and now we’re gonna have tourists?! Screw tourists! The natives are bad enough!

But hey, whatever. Maybe the masses are right and gambling will rock the casbah. And maybe the county reform will have an overwhelmingly positive effect on our government. And maybe our livestock will be cleaner! Time will tell. Until then, let’s all cross our fingers and hope this voting thing is just a fad. I don’t think I can handle any more decisions.

Even the Spanish Inquisition does not expect the flu. True story.

The weekend of October 23rd was packed tight with plans and responsibilities. Big day, lots to do at work, followed by a trip out of town to visit the in-laws on Saturday. Cap it all off with a return trip that would include my brother-in-law coming home with us to stay a while, and you have one busy weekend.

Then I got the flu and now all hell has broken loose. (And I don’t mean he’ll, iPhone. Hell is a word. Stop autocorrecting me.)

I have spent the entire day in bed, fever flipping about flippantly and state of congestion fluxuating. It sucks hard, especially when you consider that my temperature was relatively low until nightfall, and now we’re (where were you on that one phone? Is were more wordy than hell?) rolling with a fever of 102. I love this.

So my plans went kapoof. No trip and no visit just yet, and I lost a day at work. Luckily it’s a Friday and so I have the weekend to recover, at least. Still, it bites.

However, I’m not alone. Everyone in the entire world is sick with the flu right now. So tell me, how do the rest of you fare under (and then you can’t even change unser to under? Better yet, you autocorrect it to Unser! Why in the he’ll would I ever want to say Unser?!) this grueling influenza? Now would be a great time to try out the Comments feature here… go on… don’t be shy!

Well well. Windows 7 is out today! This means two things:

1. Microsoft can finally start putting Vista behind it; and
2. My computer is now a ticking time bomb.

You see, I’m rolling with the Release Candidate of Windows 7, meaning I’ve been previewing it for free since May, both at home and at work. And it’s really really good. And I knew what I was getting into when I installed it. And October was forever away…

But here we are in October, and the official release of 7 means my RC is going to expire.

It told me, “Hey man, it’s all good… the official release is out, but go ahead, keep using the free preview. Nobody will blame you.” We did everything together. It watched the Browns games with me, no matter how bad they were. It kept my fridge stocked with Labatt Blue and even did Taco Bell runs to pick up Blackjack Tacos. It shared its innermost secrets with me. It treated me well, never wanting anything from me except permission to send me an occasional email here and there to see what was up and how the wife was.

It patted me on the head, tucked me in at night, and promised me that everything was going to be okay.

Secretly, though, it knew. It had a mission. Last night, it crept out into the alley, drew a hypodermic needle from behind the old dumpster, and shot itself up with a hideous poison. Dropping the needle to the ground, its eyes turned to the sky, bloodshot, and it began to chant a sick, demonic ritual amidst gathering storm clouds and howling winds.

And what did Windows 7 Release Candidate do next? It came back inside, told me it thought it heard a noise but it was nothing, not to worry, go back to sleep. But I knew. I knew what it had done, and I knew it was to be. Oh, it’ll be fine for a while. There will be no noticeable effect. However, on March 1, 2010, the Release Candidate will start having coughing fits, spasms, a wave of flu-like symptoms that will force it to automatically shut down every two hours. And on June 1st? It will die. It will go… ingenuine. It will become a whole different monster, and then it will lock up, freeze its assets, shut me out from my PC. My dear sweet friend 7 is dying, and the only thing that can save it is the $200 antidote they call “Windows 7 Home Premium Retail.”

But whatever, man. I can deal with it. I brought it on myself, installing the RC on a system built from scratch. But that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Of course, I’m just going to beat the system and buy the no-frills $100 OEM edition instead. Still.

Come to think of it, I guess I don’t really know what point I’m even trying to make. No matter what time of year it is, October is always right around the corner? My copy of Windows 7 bought me beer and yours didn’t? Windows 7 is creepy and stalkerish? Blackjack tacos are probably good?

Oh, it doesn’t matter anyway.

And so we reconvene with the startling realization: oh God, Ric started his blog again.

That’s right, the blog is back, and this time maybe it won’t starve to death. Then again, maybe it will? Hey, I’ll be honest with you, the odds aren’t in my favor.

Anyway, being all Facebooked up, I figure that I now have a proper venue to shove my lunatic ravings into the public eye, and so I’m doing just that. I don’t know what’s going to go here, but I can guarantee that it won’t be pretty. It just might entertain, though… who knows?

If all of this sounds fresh and exciting, don’t get your hopes up. Chances are this post is the only action this new weblog will see until I tear it down and insert a newer one with an all new introductory post and even more empty promises of “things that will entertain.”

But hey, here we are now, so no point in harping on the past, right? Time marches on and so shall we. Let’s blog this joint up! Yeah! Party on! Expect all kinds of scintillating social commentary and controversial opinionation here at the Deli!

Or… don’t!